Thursday, November 19, 2009

Blue Marlin

The Blue Marlin...Ah. I came across this little gem not so long ago, when my fiance's best friend was visiting. I think this is one of those games that is best discussed in picture format.
As it would seem, the entire plot of the game is to go fishing for--and capture--the elusive and legendary Blue Marlin.

There! There! Didja see it, in all of its eight-bit majesty?

And then, you start the game:

So that weird little nub in the middle of the screen? Your super-cool, uber-tubular 80s fishing boat. So cool that you might even see a be-stubbled Don Johnson staring at it longingly from a pier in Miami, wishing he had some way out of that vice cop gig.

Now, following behind the boat, you'll see an orangeish triton. That would be the GIGANTIC LURE that you're dragging behind your awesome boat.

That boat, I will add, was ridiculously hard to steer about the Floridian coastline. I bumped into the dock; I bumped into the beach. After a few minutes of putting that boat through a level of abuse that should have capsized it, this is what came up on the screen:

Apparently, after my drunken attempt at navigating the sparkling blue waters of the Atlantic and/or Carribbean, this crew member was a little worried about my driving.

But soon after that, excitement! Some fish silhouettes appeared in the water, and one of them was the titular Blue Marlin! Squee!

And that brought us to this screen:

And, as I am not a competent eight-bit fisherwoman, I later got this:

Now, my first reaction wasn't "Aw, damn, I didn't get the fish." Oh no. It was: "Holy shit! That's one beefy-ass fisher!"

Seriously, take another look at that guy. He looks like he should be a professional wrestler, all decked out in spandex and face paint, not hanging out on a boat chasing a fish.

So, having lost the Blue Marlin, I drove the boat around in the waters again. And again, I had some trouble steering the boat. Observe:

I gotta admit, this is about where I gave up. I'm not going to spend an evening helping some 'roid head chase a damn fish.