Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past

So, apparently I wasn't paying attention when I made this graphic, because I totally used cheats, and totally used a walkthrough. Because I'm not 13 anymore, and no longer have catlike controller reflexes.

Also, those catlike controller reflexes require one to move to and fro with the action on the screen with one's tongue hanging out the side of the mouth as a show of effort/stress, and that's what I have a friggin' Wii for.

But I must say: This game still has it. It is still my favorite of the series. There is a certain charm to navigating this 16-bit world, and collecting all the items, and seeing what they can do. You still want to explore every corner and find all the secrets. You still want to know what the deal is with those weird dancing cucumbers.

As I was playing this game through again so I could write this post, my fiance looked over my shoulder and said something thought provoking:

"You know, when you think about it, Link's a jerk."

And indeed, he was right. When you think about all the stuff you have to do to complete this game, Link is, indeed, an asshole. He run around, slaughtering guards and monsters without a second thought, all in the name of saving the princess.

Let's take a look at some of the events in "A Link to the Past," shall we?

You start out as Link is jerked out of a dead sleep by a mysterious voice in his head. Last time I checked, this was a symptom of schizophrenia. But crazy ol' Link gets up, listens to the voices in his head, and goes out into the rain STRICTLY AGAINST HIS UNCLE'S INSTRUCTIONS. What impunity!

So Link trots into the castle, and stumbles across his uncle, who seems to be suffering from some mortal wound. Link takes the old man's sword and shield and leaves him to die in the castle's cellar. What a devoted nephew. Sure, the old guy told him to take the sword and shield, but I think he would have filched them off the corpse anyway. There's high adventure to be had!

Now, let's take a look at Link's behavior in other people's houses: He walks in uninvited and breaks their shit and steals their stuff.

This is the Hero of Hyrule, folks.

And then, there are the chickens, who Link can slash at or pick up and throw. Yes, animal abuse in video games is all good and fun, but in this game, when Link abuses the chickens too much, they gang up on him and kill him to avenge their fallen, clucking comrade.

Take that, Hero of Hyrule! You can wade through thousands of monsters, but you fall to chickens!